Ghetto Fabulous Christmas

OR "The Bigger They Are...The Harder They Fall" OR "Goliath" OR "When a Tree Falls in the Living room and There's Nobody There to Hear it, Does it Make a Sound?"

I could go on and on, but I won't. I woke this morning to the sight of our seven footer lying down on the job. How could such a thing have happened? It was standing tall and proud, shimmering with lights and ornaments of every size, shape, and color when I went to bed. The cat was out, the baby was safely tucked into bed...what could cause this behemoth to fall? Perhaps even more disturbing than that...how could I have not heard it fall? True, the base broke several years ago, but my man braced it with wood, bailing wire, and duct tape. He's the MacGyver of the quick fix. Could it be that his masterful tree rigging job was doomed to fail after four years of use? Inconceivable!

Hannah and I went on our way to the gym. I felt a little bit sad that the old tree bit the dust, but also a little bit happy about finally buying a new one. By the time we got back home an hour later, I was actually feeling excited about re-decorating a new tree, too. Of course, I entered the living room and found my crippled giant wavering in the light. Haddon was holding it as straight as he could. Jason was laying under it (no doubt hammering or screwing or taping something). Not concerned with pride or decorating in the least, my inventive husband has Goliath rigged upright. It's got a brick on the base and the top is anchored to the mini-blind cords. Another cord is tied around the top of the "trunk" and strung down to the brick. What could happen to a plan like that? It's fool proof!

Looks like the tree will make it for another couple of years, at least!

Chick-a-dee Magnet

Some guys are chick magnets...my nephew, Cale, is a chick-a-dee magnet. Haven absolutely adores him! We pulled up behind Cale at the bank this morning and she went absolutely nuts. "See Cale, see Cale!" she begged over and over again, "I'na see Cale!" Finally I actually got her out of her carseat and took her to Cale's window. Of course, Haven suddenly had an attack of shyness when she saw that Cale had a friend in the truck with him. She wouldn't speak to him and kept coyly tucking her face into my neck.
Back in our van, we watched Cale pull away and as he drove off, Haven's litany increased in fervor and pitch. "I'na see Cale! I'na see Cale! Where Cale go? I'na kiss Cale! Cale kiss me. Cale kiss Mommy. Mommy kiss Cale. I'na kiss Cale. I'na kiss Cale!" This continued for the long, painful three minute drive to the house.
Wow, that's magnatism! The next time I see Cale he'll be taking his little cousin/girliefriend, Haven Esther, with him!

How Do You Do It?

From the label of a bottle of Go-Go Mixed Berry (e+ribose) Vitamin Water: how could you possibly be reading this label right now? isn't there a meeting you should be in? a child you forgot to pick up? a gym you've been paying for? (fyi...there's a difference between "paying for" and "using.") we know, we know...you're busy. every day is a marathon. fortunately, (omitting section extolling the virtues of vitamin water) blah, blah, blah. now hurry to the soccer field, it's getting dark and your child's coach is starting to ask questions.

How did they know? Is it possible that it's not just me? I've always suspected that I was the only Mom with ninety-seven balls in the air (or, rather, ninety-seven balls that are SUPPOSED to be in the air but which seem to keep mysteriously dropping, unable to defy gravity on their own). As I type this, my oldest daughter is finishing the lunch I started cooking, there are two partially folded loads of laundry on the recliner, "Ice Age" is playing (but nobody is watching it), Avery is sitting next to me pantomiming me typing on my laptop (and she just commented, "This is what you do all day," gotta love that), smoke is billowing out of the oven from the plastic that is melted to the bottom and is burning off a little bit at a time, the sole boy is upstairs changing out of his soccer gear (leaving it on his bedroom floor), the dryer just alerted me that if I don't empty it the contents will be wrinkled beyond redemption. Today I still have to: fold the remaining laundry, put the hang-ups on hangers, put it all in closets and drawers, take Av to buy a present, take Av to the partay at the skating rink, clean out the pantry (because that's where I hid all of the clutter twenty minutes before Buttercup's birthday party), pick up Addy, put the zipper in Addy's "Alice in Wonderland" costume, pick Avery up from the partay, vacuum, address thank you notes, and, of course, keep my sweet little buttercup content. Your guess is as good as mine as to how much of this list will actually get accomplished!
Being a mom is just hard stuff. It's good, don't get me wrong, but it's hard. Being the mother of five sometimes seems impossible. But, I have a trick...more of a technique, really. So, how do I do it? Simple: I just don't do any of it very well.

Free Eating

So, I came into the dining room this evening to find Haven sitting bare bottomed on the table. Reminds me of those "free eating" commercials!
I guess we'll be eating in the living room tonight...

Due to Popular Demand

Here is the recipe for the "Starbuck's" Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins that I slopped all over the floor in my previous post:

Ingredients
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon ground cloves
4 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
1 pinch cardamom (optional)
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
4 eggs
2 cups sugar
2 cups pumpkin
1 1/4 cups vegetable oil
8 ounces cream cheese
chopped pumpkin seeds (optional) or walnuts (optional) or pecans (optional)

Directions
1 Preheat oven to 350.
2 Put the entire brick of cream cheese on a piece of wax paper or parchment paper and shape it into a long log.
3 Put it in the freezer while you mix and fill the pans, up to an hour.
4 Unwrap and cut with a sharp knife so each cream cheese disk equals 1-2 teaspoons. If the cream cheese disks are too big around, cut thick slices and then cut them in half. This lets you push it down into the batter easier.
5 Mix all ingredients together (except cream cheese and nuts).
6 Fill muffin tins (greased or paper cups) half full.
7 Put cream cheese disc in the middle, pressing down.
8 Sprinkle with 1 tsp chopped nuts.
9 Bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes, until a toothpick comes out clean from the muffin part (do not touch the cream cheese!).
10 Let cool in pans for 5 minutes, then remove to racks to cool completely. Do not touch the cream cheese until it cools.

Tips:
*For a lowfat alternative, substitute applesauce for the oil and use low fat cream cheese instead of the full fat version
*Keep bowl away from the edge of the counter (see previous post)

The Pumpkin Muffins that Weren't

We're having a women's ministry meeting tonight. In order to contribute...and show off...I was baking 4 dozen delicious muffins to take. Unfortunately, after spending $25 on ingredients and putting said ingredients in mixing bowl, I then knocked afore mentioned bowl off of kitchen counter and in doing so, splattered the wanna-be muffins all over my kitchen floor.
I called my husband to cry on his shoulder. His response? "Do I need to go get you some more muffin mix?" Totally missing the point. (Deep sigh.) I don't think I have it in me to start over.

Paradise Found

Dry Tortugas National Park lies 70 miles west of Key West, Florida. The park consists of several TINY islands (or, keys) so named because Ponce De Leon, the spanish explorer who discovered them, saw an abundance of sea turtles (tortugas, en espanol). Later the "dry" was added to indicate that none of the Tortugas had sources of fresh water. Fort Jefferson was built as a naval base in the mid 1800's. It's purpose was two fold: to discourage piracy and hostile forces, and to prevent hostile forces from occupying this important piece of land thereby controlling gulf shipping channels. The fort was never completed, though it was used. Its construction was halted when the weight of its 16 million plus bricks began to sink.
Visitors to the park can tour the fort and investigate all of its nooks and crannies (except for those occupied by the park rangers who live there 30 days on, 4 days off). The fort covers most of the little island, but there is a strip of pristine beach which is ideal for lounging on. Just off the beach, visitors can snorkel along the moat wall. Jason and I experienced some of the most vibrant and varied marine life we've ever seen snorkeling there.
Only accessable by sea plane, ferry, or catamaran, the Dry Tortugas and Fort Jefferson are a spectacular day trip. We went by catamaran and the trip was 2 1/2 hours each way. The islands are still dry, but if we ever go again, Jason and I will camp there so we can spend two full days investigating the history and ecology of this American treasure.