Kittens

Our kitty, Flo, is having kittens. This came as somewhat of a shock to us since we thought she was spayed. About a month and a half ago, several male cats started hanging about doing their strange, bawling mating call. A bit slow on the uptake, I didn't stop to wonder WHY these alley cats were doing their love-sick routine at my house until about four days into it. Suddenly it occurred to me that the only reason these males would be looking at my house for a mate would be that there was one here for them! I instructed Addy to keep Flo in the house for a few days and then it became painfully obvious that she was, in fact, in heat. She sat in the window and mournfully howled to her boyfriends outside, but I was staunch...she was NOT, under any circumstances barring house fire, to be let out. After a few days, Flo returned to her normal placid self and I forgot all about her many suitors and her love lorn moping. Until, that is, I picked her up a couple of weeks ago and felt teats. TEATS! I didn't recall ever having noticed Flo's teats before and, since I've experienced pregnancy myself a few times, I wondered if that could be a sign that she was pregnant. I got onto the computer and did some checking. Apparently, there are a few signs that your cat may be pregnant. Among them are:

-pinking, this is the phenomenon of the cat's nipples becoming pink and more pronounced

-the cat (or "Queen" as many articles refer to a pregnant cat) will usually become markedly more affectionate as well as less active

-obviously, the cat will eventually look pregnant, becoming quite round in the abdomen

-and if you are weird enough to try it, a pregnant cat will lay on her side and be still if you stimulate her nipples (I am not making this up...it was mentioned in 4 out of the 5 articles I read)

Wanting to be a good pet owner, I checked Flo's nipples for "pinking." Sure enough, her teats were pink, but then again, it's not like I'd ever actually SEEN Flo's nipples before. She did look a bit heavier than usual and was laying around a lot, but cats tend to lay around quite a bit as it is, so I didn't think that was a definitive sign. Not desperate enough to try stimulating my cat's nipples, I decided to wait and see. Well, last week as Flo was laying lazily on the couch, I noticed her belly jumping around of its own accord. Either Flo is pregnant or she's re-enacting that scene from "Alien...."

At lunch today we got on the topic of kittens and hence the virtues of spaying or neutering pets. Now, this may not strike you as inappropriate lunch conversation, but then Winnie dropped a bomb right there in Subway. Once she neutered her male Siamese...herself. We were having a good chuckle when I asked the question on everyone's minds, "How? Did you just snip them off?" The answer was no. The truth was much worse. In actuality, she used rubber bands. RUBBER BANDS to neuter her cat. "Eventually they shrivelled up and dropped off," she explained (as if the end result needed any explanation). By now the laughter was uproarious. I poked Jason, "I guess you don't have to go see Dr. Jia!" Laughing so hard my stomach hurt, I continued, "You can just go down to Winnie's for the rubber band treatment." As Jason was not so politely declining, Winnie piped in, "That'd take really big rubber bands!" Does anyone else wonder how, exactly, Winnie would know?

This Old Nut Finally Cracked

After church Wednesday nights, I'm just ready to crash. I teach third grade in our TeamKid program and usually have between 23 and 26 in my class. I like the teaching, but the kids can get pretty unruly, so by the time I get home I just want to tuck the kiddos in and have some peace and quiet. Unfortunately, Jason gets home about an hour after I do on Wednesday nights, so I have to get all three of the younger kids ready for bed...which isn't a big deal except that I'm already stressed out and pushed to my limits.
Tonight was even worse than usual. We had our classroom awards. I wanted to give each child in the class an award (which is not an easy task unless your a large number of your awards are unkind, like: "Worst Body Odor" or "Most Consecutive Days in the Same Clothes"), so I came up with six different silly awards and let the kids nominate each other for them. It was utter chaos. The kids had a great time...I felt like I needed a straight jacket. During the most insane part of class, Hannah called needing a ride home from dance. Then, only a few minutes later, Addy called wondering if she should get a ride to church or if I was coming to get her. Gah! As soon as class was over I loaded everyone up and collected Hannah, then we headed for home sweet home.
I had everyone almost all ready for bed and was filling Haven's cool mist humidifier when it happened. As soon as I turned off the water, I heard loud, rushing water. I thought it was Haddon who was brushing his teeth and hollered for him to turn the water down, but didn't get a response and the water was still running very hard. So, I went in to rebuke him. I was passing my bathroom when I saw a geyser erupting from my toilet! Water was spraying 4-5 feet in the air. You've got it...that was the source of the sound of rushing water. As soon as it registered what was happening, I also noticed that the water was coursing through the bathroom and had almost reached the door. Of course, at that moment Haven decided that she should come in and investigate. I yelled for Hannah to call Dad and I yelled for Addy to get off the phone and get the baby. Then I held my breath, shielded my eyes and went for the shut off valve behind the stool. It didn't budge, at first, but in my fury I had near super-human strength and the valve couldn't withstand my power. Finally, I got it shut off, though it continued to leak it was manageable. My small triumph was short lived when I remembered all of the water on the floor of my second story bathroom. By now, the water had escaped the bathroom, soaking several feet of carpet in the bedroom and even running out into the hall. I yelled to Addy, "Get me that thing, Dad's big thing in the garage." Miraculously, Addy ran up the stairs a few seconds later with the shop-vac. (Poor kids, they're so used to me not being able to find the right words that they actually understand me now.)
Jason walked in as I was sucking up water from the bathroom floor and telling Hannah to try him on his cell again. He called Jeff (of Jeff's Plumbing) who came right over. He took one look under the toilet and said, "This old nut cracked."
Bet you thought the title was about me, didn't you?

Swine Flu-Ish

So, since my chances for the mother of the year award were dashed somewhere around January 2nd, I thought I'd further impress and entertain you with my complete lack of parenting competence! I'll begin at the beginning. My son has asthma. He got his first inhaler (with a tiny face mask) when he was 5 months old. I will never forget sitting in the Walmart pharmacy crying when the pharmacist handed it to me. He had moderate to severe asthma until he was about kindergarten age and was on 3-8 medications at all times for his asthma, then he quite quickly seemed to outgrow it. Now he is nine years old and has asthma attacks so seldom that I daily leave the house without even a thought of taking his inhaler with me. We keep an inhaler at school, just in case, and he has to use it once a month or so after running in P.E. Other than that, as long as he is well, we never use his inhaler.
Saturday night, he was a little bit congested when he went to bed and though he coughed just a bit in the night, it wasn't even enough to warrant cough syrup. Of course, by the time he woke up Sunday morning it was a different story all together! He was really working to breathe even when he was just sitting on the couch. After he got all ready for church, I gave him a breathing treatment, then we headed to the early service. Here's where my parenting skills (or lack thereof) become painfully obvious. Just as the sermon was beginning, Haddon laid down in the pew, then asked me if he could go home. I could tell he felt really bad. I took him home. He said his throat hurt and his chest hurt. I asked him if his chest hurt when he coughed or when he breathed and he said "both." He was running a little temp, so I dosed him up with ibuprofen and mucinex and fixed him up on the couch with a movie, blanket, and the phone. THEN I WENT BACK TO CHURCH. I didn't want to miss Sunday School, you see. It all made perfect sense at the time, leaving my ill, asthmatic child at home by himself for an hour while he was having difficulty breathing. In my defense, I did call him every 20 minutes to check on him and he said he was fine each time.
The other kids and I came home after Sunday School and hung out there until second service was over, then we all went back to the church to pick up dad for lunch. Haddon didn't feel like eating, but did want a pop, so we got him some Sprite. But, just after we sat down and prayed, he laid down on his table (we're a two table sized family at any fast food place). I rebuked him because I was concerned both about the cleanliness of the establishment and with him adding his sick germs to the mix. He promptly got up, walked over to a different table, and laid across it. "Honey, get off that table!" I sternly rebuked him. He stood and looked at me. I instantly saw in his eyes that he was not with it. Then he seemed to retch a bit before crumbling onto the floor. J was up in a flash and had Bubs on his feet and out the door, all the while heavily supporting him. Haddon was really out of it. He thought he was going to puke, but never really did, just gagged around a bit. At this point, I confess, I analyzed the fact that he was exhibiting flu-like symptoms. Here I was, dragging my fluish kid all over town to spread his germs. Wonderful. Then it hit me...I had just left this very ill child at home by himself for an hour. What had I been thinking???
Back at home, I gave him another breathing treatment and he perked up some initially, then fell asleep on the couch for about thirty minutes. When he woke up, he was scared. "I don't have enough air, Mom. I need to go to the hospital now." Now, Haddon is the kind of asthmatic that will stay in the soccer game and go all out until he either drops or the coach pulls him out rather than admit that he's having trouble breathing. So, for him to ask for help scared me!
We actually didn't even sit down in the ER. They sent him right in for the triage nurse to assess him. He was confused and having trouble answering her questions. His oxygen sats was at 82. He gagged around some more & puked up some snot. It was immediately determined that he needed to be tested for the flu...the swine flu.
I'll admit it. Though I was still worried about my kid, I was picturing the headlines: "Swine Flu Hits Oklahoma," "Pastor's Family Introduces Swine Flu to Their Congregation," "Dirks Family Dines Out, Exposing Entire Town to Swine Flu." Wouldn't you know that the very first case of swine flu in Oklahoma would be one of my kids? I almost had trouble believing that it was negative. Though he felt flu-ish, Bub actually had pneumonia, complicated by asthma. Two nights later, he's still in the hospital, but he's feeling much better. It's safe to say that he won't be running any marathons any time soon, I won't be winning any parenting awards, and the swine flu pandemic has (thus far) eluded the Dirks family.

Beef, It's What's For Dinner

Being the happy homemaker that I am, I had roast in mind for supper tonight. I'd planned on putting it in around 12:30 when I got home from school for the day. Of course, I forgot to take it out of the freezer this morning. No problem, I assured myself, I had to come home to cook lunch for the school, so I'd pull it out then and just defrost it in the microwave. Haven and I headed home at 9:30. She was being very fussy at school, but we are doing standardized testing this week and I have a student testing in my office, so I had to take her home for an early nap. I still had to go to the grocery store to get what I needed for the nachos I would be cooking, but she'd be up in plenty of time and meanwhile I'd brown the taco meat. I laid her down and set to work. I even remembered to get the roast out and put it on auto-defrost in the microwave. While browning the meat, I made Avery's thank you notes on our computer and they are so CUTE! Look out Martha Stewart. The meat was finished, the thank you notes were done, but Haven was still sleeping. What time was it? 11:30! I was supposed to be at the school serving lunch at 11:30 and I still had to get to the store! Gah!
I threw the meat in the van (well, okay, I placed it carefully in the van...but I did hurry), ran upstairs, and pulled my sleeping baby out of her crib. As I drove to the store, I tried repeatedly to call the school and got no answer...since I wasn't there. Unsuccessful, I started trying teachers' cell phones so that I could let somebody know I was on my way, but still got nobody. Haven and I shopped like mad people and knocked it out in seven minutes flat. Unfortunately, my checker was in no hurry at all, of course. Finally, I was on my way back to the school and served the kids a delicious and nutritious meal. Whew!
I stopped by my office after serving lunch and ended up staying until 3:00 when Haven pooped her pants and I discovered that her bag was devoid of diapers. I gathered the kiddos, and three extras, and took my stinky baby home. Shortly after arriving there, I found my now totally defrosted roast still in the microwave. It was still cold, so I seasoned it and stuck it in the oven, hoping it'd be finished by seven or so.
Dinner preparations began in earnest around six-ish. I decided to go with mashed potatoes & gravy, biscuits, and veggies as sides for the roast. Addy said she'd rather have fried potatoes, so I sliced them up and slipped them in the skillet. I used up the last of the shortening and the last of the milk making biscuits. Thank goodness I had enough! I got them in the oven, then turned to my gravy. Once I'd stirred the flour in, it hit me...I had no milk. Ugh! I called J and asked him to pick some up milk on the way home from soccer practice. I turned off the heat under my almost gravy and hoped that it would be okay sitting for a while. Half an hour later, while standing in my pantry choosing green beans, I realized that I don't need to make gravy...I MADE FRIED POTATOES, NOT MASHED.
Is it bed time, yet?

Saturday

I have no idea why I even look forward to Saturdays. Take this Saturday, for example, it was so full that I barely had time to catch my breath. For starters, I went into the weekend with some fabulous inner ear issues (picture sea sickness minus the pleasure of being on a boat, plus the stresses of trying to get the usual stuff done). Now, meclazine (clearly I have no idea how to spell the word, read it phonetically) is practically a miracle drug for nausea, but, unfortunately, even in small doses it renders me unconscious. So, I woke up around seven on Saturday morning in a drug induced stupor and had to consume large quantities of my drug of choice (coffee) in order to counter act it.
There was no time for lounging around enjoying a leisurely cup a joe, however. Avery's first soccer game was scheduled to start at nine and Haddon's first was at ten. Complicating my attendance of their soccer games was the candle fundraiser that I, myself, scheduled for ten o'clock that morning. Of course, being the chief, I planned on setting everything up for the candle making, getting the ladies started, then excusing myself to go cheer on my kiddos. That plan was foiled. Dashed by other people's Saturday plans. Instead of leaving at ten, I made several dozen candles single handedly. When the other parents arrived, rather than turning the process over to them, I held their hands and walked them through each step time and again. (What? I'm not controlling!) My husband called at eleven to ask me if I planned on breaking from the candle making that I wasn't supposed to be doing long enough to eat. Chagrined, I met he and the three younger kids at McDonald's.
I promised myself, my husband, and my children that I would make it to the next set of soccer games which were to both begin at noon. But, first, I had to go check on the candle makers! Yes, I stayed there longer than I intended, only rushing out the door when Jason called to check on my location. "I'm on my way," I called as I dashed from the building glancing worriedly over my shoulder at the candle makers. I made it to the games a few minutes late, but I was there! I cheered Bub and Princeska on as their teams routed their opponents (okay, whenever they were off the field I was calling the big girls at home and the parents at the school to bark instructions, but I DID cheer when they were playing.
After their games Haddon, Haven, and I ran to WalMart to pick up some last minute things for Avery's birthday party. We had only 2 hours until party time! We shopped like mad people, than dashed home again where I dropped our purchases and the children off before heading to the school. The ladies were still making candles, and apparently could handle it without me, so I hustled back to the house.
Hannah and Addy had cleaned the house, wrapped gifts, and Hannah had decorated the cake beautifully! Bub stuffed the pinata full of candy while the big girls and I finished setting up. Before I knew it, the first child had arrived (somewhat early, but who's counting?) and the party was off and running.
When every child was filled full of as much sugar as their little systems could handle, we handed them back to their parents. Hannah and I cooked supper. It was hard not to rush as we ate since I'd been hurrying all day long I couldn't seem to break the mode. After supper, Jason went with me to the school and we cleaned up the classroom that we had used for the candle making. I wasn't surprised to see a couple of large wax deposits and several wax dribbles on the carpet, but I wasn't excited about the prospect of cleaning them up. We went home, did the whole bath and bed routine, then I grabbed some rags and the iron and headed back to the school. It only took an hour and some elbow grease to iron the wax out of the carpet. As soon as I got back to the house I slipped into my jammies and fell into bed.
That, sadly, is a typical Saturday. To think, Saturday used to be my favorite day of the week!

Sinus Infections are Nothing to Sneeze At!

Poor little Haven Esther! She started antibiotics for her bad sinuses on Monday. Doc put her on the good stuff, but by Wednesday she was feeling much worse. She was running 101 in the morning. I put her down for her morning nap at 9:30, then did some work while simultaneously debating with myself whether or not I should take her back to see Dr. K. At 12:30 she was still snoozing, so I went in my office to get her. She was extremely groggy. In fact, I think it would be fair to say that she never actually woke up. I drove around for a little & went through a drive through for some coffee (yum!), then we went home to eat lunch. She wouldn't even hold her head up in her high chair, so I gave her some ibuprophen and rocked her for a little. She was back out almost instantly, but I was surprised that she actually laid back down in her bed. Since she was so lethargic and obviously feverish as well, I put a call in to doc's office. They said I should bring her right in.
I hated to wake the little sick-o up, but I did feel that she was pretty sick and was worried that she would dehydrate herself since to that point she had been refusing to drink even when she was alert. So, I plucked her out of her crib and snapped her in her car seat all without rousing her. She didn't even wake up when I got her out of the car. She looked around a little once we got checked in, but then dozed off again on me. Sitting in the quiet waiting room, I was suddenly aware of how rapidly she was breathing. She was almost panting. The woman sitting across from me commented on it. Since we were being worked in, we waited for quite a little while. As we were waiting, I became increasingly concerned about Haven. Finally, we were called. When the nurse took her temp it was 105! I knew she was cooking, but had no idea it was that high. When she went back out, I tried to call J to let him know how sick she was, but he didn't answer his phone on my first 3 attempts. Finally, I texted him and asked him to pick the other kids up from school for me.
Doc came in and took a look at my limp noodle daughter and was immediately concerned as well. She could best be described as "lifeless," at that point. She was still not drinking even when coaxed. Dr. K said she needed to be admitted to the hospital. I tried again to call J and he finally answered. Once I filled him in on her condition he came to the office right away, then we were off to the ICU. Poor girl was poked and prodded, medicated and taped up. Finally, we had blood sent off to the lab, her nose swabbed, i.v. in place, and probes attached. Then we settled down for three long days of walking and rocking our poor little baby. She was such a trooper, never complained much...or maybe she just didn't feel well enough to complain!
Turns out she has her dad's sinuses. That is to say, they were infected. Days one and two were pretty rough, but day three (once she was feeling much better) was a trial! She did not want to be still or quiet. She was ready to go, go, go...even if there was an i.v. in her foot! The site finally infiltrated and it i.v. had to be removed, then she was unstoppable!

We are home now on quite a regimen of medication (decongestant, antibiotics, nose spray, ear drops, etc.), but SO glad to be out of that hospital room! She'll have her adenoids removed in a few weeks which should help with her sinus issues. Thanks to all who prayed for Haven and who are continuing to keep her in your prayers. She is as ornery as ever!

Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Innocent

Shortly after my last blog about how rough my week had been it got just a little worse. In order to protect the participants in this story, names have been changed.
Tonight a certain baby who we'll call Raven Hesther decided to attempt to plunge to her death from the top of my kitchen counter. When I heard her hit, I dropped the vat of hot soy wax I was carrying on my foot (subsequently ruining the excellent mop job I'd just finished). She was on the floor on her back. Her mouth was bleeding. I must have screamed because two panicked teenagers, Anna and Hattie, came rushing in from their basement bedroom. I scooped up Raven and simultaneously peed my pants. Not a little bit, either. Full on, pee running down my leg, peed my pants. I yelled at Anna to call "Mason," who had taken Madden to soccer. Hattie tried to wash the wax off my foot as I held and comforted Raven, then I had to change my pants and clean myself up. Raven was SCREAMING as Hattie held her. Anna told Mason to meet me at the ER. When I got there, Mason and Madden were already there. Mason was on the phone with his good friend, Doctor Smirkendall who said he was on his way.
By the time we got in the waiting room, Raven was pretty perky, but I was still pretty shaken up. Her chin was black and blue, but other than that I couldn't find a thing wrong with her. Dr. Smirkendall came in and examined her. She seemed fine to him, too, but he thought it would be best to do a ct scan since she'd fallen from such a height. She did great during the scan. Mason talked to her so sweetly and she just looked up at him and laid so still. During this time, my niece, Harley, and her father Ryan, picked Madden up and took him home with them. After the ct, we hung out with Dr. Smirkendall and waited on results while Raven snarfed down two bags of cheetos, a cookie, and a pkg. of M&Ms.
Finally, the word came. Good news. Raven's ct looked pretty good. The worst thing was actually her sinuses which were very congested. A long round of antibiotics should fix her right up. And as for me? I'm going to buy that baby a helmet and myself some depends, then I'll be alright.