Friday, April 3, 2009

Names Have Been Changed to Protect the Innocent

Shortly after my last blog about how rough my week had been it got just a little worse. In order to protect the participants in this story, names have been changed.
Tonight a certain baby who we'll call Raven Hesther decided to attempt to plunge to her death from the top of my kitchen counter. When I heard her hit, I dropped the vat of hot soy wax I was carrying on my foot (subsequently ruining the excellent mop job I'd just finished). She was on the floor on her back. Her mouth was bleeding. I must have screamed because two panicked teenagers, Anna and Hattie, came rushing in from their basement bedroom. I scooped up Raven and simultaneously peed my pants. Not a little bit, either. Full on, pee running down my leg, peed my pants. I yelled at Anna to call "Mason," who had taken Madden to soccer. Hattie tried to wash the wax off my foot as I held and comforted Raven, then I had to change my pants and clean myself up. Raven was SCREAMING as Hattie held her. Anna told Mason to meet me at the ER. When I got there, Mason and Madden were already there. Mason was on the phone with his good friend, Doctor Smirkendall who said he was on his way.
By the time we got in the waiting room, Raven was pretty perky, but I was still pretty shaken up. Her chin was black and blue, but other than that I couldn't find a thing wrong with her. Dr. Smirkendall came in and examined her. She seemed fine to him, too, but he thought it would be best to do a ct scan since she'd fallen from such a height. She did great during the scan. Mason talked to her so sweetly and she just looked up at him and laid so still. During this time, my niece, Harley, and her father Ryan, picked Madden up and took him home with them. After the ct, we hung out with Dr. Smirkendall and waited on results while Raven snarfed down two bags of cheetos, a cookie, and a pkg. of M&Ms.
Finally, the word came. Good news. Raven's ct looked pretty good. The worst thing was actually her sinuses which were very congested. A long round of antibiotics should fix her right up. And as for me? I'm going to buy that baby a helmet and myself some depends, then I'll be alright.


mirandarodgers said...

I love your name changing abilities! I would have probaly done both bathroom duties at this incident! Im so glad she's okay!

Dawn said...

Perhaps, Raven had so much fun eating junk in the ER last time, she wanted to go back!

emmafudd said...

that's what i suspect, also!

jamiechrystin said...

This is absolutely crazy! You amaze me with how you handle all of this! I am so glad that "Raven" is ok. You are a FREAKIN' creative writer by the way, I love to read your blogs. I am sure that it also helps that your life is hilarious!