Friday, August 15, 2008

Skeleton Key

I have discovered the key to thinness. It's true. It hit me two nights ago as I watched the Olympics. Although I could probably sell my plan and make millions, I'd rather share it with you here!
Weight loss is a matter of simple mathmatics. 3500 calories makes a pound. So, in order for you to lose one pound, you must burn off 3500 more calories than you take in. As far as weight loss is concerned, all calories were created equal. 100 calories from carrots take just as much work to burn off as do 100 calories of chocolate. And how hard is it to burn off calories? Here's some more 30 minutes of: cooking you burned 90 calories (half a cookie), housework you burned 99 calories water aerobics you burned 135 calories (3/4 of the cookie now), ballet dancing you burned 202 calories and finally burned off that cookie, advanced pilates you burned 216 calories, high impact aerobics or backpacking you burned 238 calories, downhill skiing or biking 12-14 mph you burned 297 calories, elliptical trainer you burned 387 calories (almost 2 whole cookies...woohoo!), running 12 mph you burned 760 calories and can now eat a cupcake!
My plan does away with the whole calorie counting shenanigans. The best part is that it's absolutely foolproof! It is the same diet plan that Michael Phelps (Olympic swimmer extraordinaire in case you live in cave), Nastia Luikin, and other elite athletes use to maintain their weight. It's simple, really...6-10 hours of rigorous aerobic training daily every day with no breaks except for modified workouts in the case of the most severe injuries. Follow this plan and like Micheal Phelps, you, too, will be able to consume up to 12ooo calories daily and look slim and trim!

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