Addy is going through a very difficult time. We haven't talked about it with very many people because Ad feels very self-conscious about it, so please don't mention it to her or treat her any differently. She is having panic attacks. It's becoming almost debilitating. Her life is suddenly governed by fear. Mainly the fear of having another panic attack. It seems like almost anything can trigger them: sleep, staying with friends, separation, even songs. It's breaking my heart because she is so sad so much of the time. She's having a very hard time sleeping (due to fear) which I'm sure doesn't help at all as she's exhausted all the time.
We are fighting it, but don't seem to be gaining much ground, yet. She's on a daily exercise regimen (endorphins), lexipro (endorphin receptors), and has assigned reading to help encourage her faith. We've had long talks about how sometimes we can't trust our feelings, but must trust what we know to be true. It's hard because she KNOWS that intellectually, but the FEELING of fear is so sudden and pervasive that the thought process of reasoning with herself doesn't take place until the panic is starting to subside. She knows she's not going to fall off the earth, but she FEELS that she might. She knows she's not trapped at the swimming pool, but she FEELS that she can't leave. She knows her friends aren't going to kidnap her, but she FEELS that they aren't going to let her come home. It's absolutely gut wrenching to watch her struggle to overcome this.
Addy has more spiritual maturity, more kindness, more joy, more peace, more hope, more creativity, more love than any other person I know. I want to see her smile and hear her laugh. I don't expect her life to be easy, but I'd like it if every single day didn't have to be a struggle to merely get through. I don't know what's going to happen when school starts. I don't know if she's going to be okay.
If you've read this post please comment at the bottom (click comment button) so that I know that you know. We are trying to keep it as normal as possible right now and part of that is trying not to make Ad feel like a headcase! Please pray with us that Ad will fear not!